I went through this with my son. One of his counselors advised to take away all of my son's stuff when he missed assignments. This meant I had the stuff more than my son did.
I decided this approach was not only no way to live Teen boys often have a tough time of it, and for whatever reason, society says you have to be tough on them. I think you have to be consistent, but the reality is, your big boy is really still your little boy on the inside. He is still looking for love, praise, and success. Your son has pulled it in and made some good progress, and I think your instincts are right on here.
He needs some reward. Maybe not the entire prize, but he needs to begin to feel that he his earning his privileges back, and making some progress.
I would consider a tiered approach and allow him to earn a little back at a time. By getting a taste of the good life Should he slip up and slide back, be sure to be consistent with the consequences.
Keep a close eye on the gaming time. My son's behavior would change if he spent too much time for him playing the games. You can see your friends but they have to come to our house. So it all depends on the misbehavior. The key is that the consequence is tied to the behavior and the duration of the consequence is short enough that your child has the opportunity to try again soon. Be patient and consistent. Some kids figure things out in just a few tries and others take more time to come around.
Why is this four-step process so important? So have that conversation to make sure your child is learning what she needs to learn. Decisions made in anger are often bad. Let her know what you would like her to do and what the new consequence is. By changing the consequence, you are not being inconsistent.
Rather, you are modeling an important lesson for your child—the lesson that bad decisions can and should be corrected.
Carole has worked as a family and individual therapist for over 16 years, and is a former online parent coach for Empowering Parents. She is also the mother of three grown children and grandmother of six. You must log in to leave a comment. Don't have an account? Create one for free! Responses to questions posted on EmpoweringParents. We cannot diagnose disorders or offer recommendations on which treatment plan is best for your family.
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We ask that you refrain from discussing topics of a political or religious nature. Unfortunately, it's not possible for us to respond to every question posted on our website. Does your child exhibit angry outbursts , such as tantrums, lashing out, punching walls, and throwing things? Would you like to learn about how to use consequences more effectively?
Do you struggle with disrespect or verbal abuse from your child? Has your child been diagnosed with oppositional defiant disorder ODD? Select personalised content. Create a personalised content profile. Measure ad performance. Select basic ads. Create a personalised ads profile. Select personalised ads. Apply market research to generate audience insights.
Measure content performance. Develop and improve products. List of Partners vendors. Punishment is a term used in operant conditioning psychology to refer to any change that occurs after a behavior that reduces the likelihood that that behavior will occur again in the future.
While positive and negative reinforcements are used to increase behaviors, punishment is focused on reducing or eliminating unwanted behaviors. Punishment is often mistakenly confused with negative reinforcement. The difference: Reinforcement increases the chances that a behavior will occur and punishment decreases the chances that a behavior will occur. Behaviorist B.
Skinner , the psychologist who first described operant conditioning, identified two different kinds of aversive stimuli that can be used as punishment:. While punishment can be effective in some cases, you can probably think of a few examples of when a punishment does not consistently reduce unwanted behavior. Prison is one example. After being sent to jail for a crime, people often continue committing crimes once they are released from prison.
Why is it that punishment seems to work in some instances but not in others? Researchers have found two factors that contribute to how effective punishment is in different situations.
First, punishment is more effective if is applied quickly. Prison sentences often occur long after the crime has been committed, which may help explain one reason why sending people to jail does not always lead to a reduction in criminal behavior.
Second, punishment achieves greater results when it is consistently applied.
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